A few weeks ago, my friend Curt—a programmer with the kind of sharp, analytical mind that makes you wonder if he could just debug you—gave me a piece of advice that fundamentally changed how I think about, well… things.
At the time, I was in some sort of crisis mode or another—spiraling through headlines about disasters, political chaos, and whatever fresh new way humanity had decided to make things worse that week. I was frustrated, exhausted, and—most of all—paralyzed.
And then Curt, ever the practical one, said:
“Yeah. This is that thing where we live too much in areas of concern over which we have no influence or control.”
That one sentence cracked something open in my brain. Because here’s the thing: Not all problems in the world are my problems to solve. And when I’m not aware of that, I spend my days in a state of anxiety, giving my energy to things I cannot change—while neglecting the things I can.
The Three Spheres: Concern, Influence, and Control
Imagine life as three concentric circles:
- Control – These are the things you have direct power over: your actions, your habits, your choices, your immediate environment. This is where you have the most power—and where change happens fastest. That which you touch is that upon which you act. (Unless you’re a ghost, in which case, congrats, you have bigger problems.)
- Influence – These are the people, systems, and communities where your voice matters but isn’t absolute. Your workplace, your relationships, your local government. You can’t dictate outcomes here, but you can affect them in meaningful ways. You have leverage, just not Thanos-snapping-fingers levels of power.
- Concern – This is where most of your stress lives. World events, massive societal problems, things that keep you up at night but that you, personally, have zero control over. Living online is, broadly speaking, living in Concern—like setting up a tent in a hurricane and then yelling at the wind for being unfair.
Most of us spend way too much time stuck in Concern—doom-scrolling ourselves into a panic, as if reading one more think piece will unlock the secret ending to human misery. And the more time you spend there, the less time you have to take action in Influence and Control, where you can actually make a difference.
The Concern Trap (a.k.a. Where Good Intentions Go to Die)
Concern is sneaky. It masquerades as productivity. It makes you feel like you’re engaged when, in reality, you’re just mentally exhausting yourself.
Let’s be clear: Caring is not the same as acting.
- Reading 50 articles about climate change? Concern.
- Changing your own habits, working with local environmental groups, or advocating for better policies? Influence or Control.
- Ranting about politics on Bluesky? Concern. (Unless you slid into Schumer’s DMs, in which case, wow, I stand corrected.)
- Voting, organizing, or running for office? Influence or Control.
The objective is to recognize when you’re stuck in Concern and shift inward—toward the areas where you can actually create change.
How to Shift from Concern to Influence & Control
- Notice when you’re spiraling. If you’re reading yet another apocalyptic headline and feel frozen in helplessness, stop and ask: Can I do anything about this? If the answer is no, it’s time to redirect.
- Find the smallest action within your Control. If you’re worried about a big issue (say, climate change), ask: What’s one thing I can shift in my own life? Maybe it’s reducing waste, supporting sustainable businesses, or voting for local policies that matter.
- Expand into Influence. Once you’ve taken control of your own actions, look outward. Can you influence your workplace, your community, your social circles? Small, local changes add up. It’s basically the “act local” part of “think global, act local” that we all nod at and then ignore.
- Reduce time spent in Concern. This doesn’t mean ignoring world events—it just means not living in them. Set limits on doom-scrolling, disengage from pointless online debates, and focus that energy where it actually matters.
The Takeaway: Stop Trying to Carry the Whole World
Curt helped me see that drowning in Concern doesn’t make me a better person. It just makes me a very tired one—with worse posture. The power lies in shifting inward—focusing on what you can control, expanding into where you have influence, and letting go of everything else. If the world feels overwhelming, take a step back. Zoom in. Ask yourself: Where can I actually make a difference?
And then… you know… go do that.